What About Divorce and Re-Marriage?

Every once in awhile, someone writes to The Refiner's Fire to ask us our stance about divorce and re-marriage, based on the fact that God said He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and on Matthew 19:9 and 5:31-32. Our response is below:

When our children disobey, we don't make them pay for their mistakes forever. They aren't locked away in a cage without food and water for the mistakes they make. We scold, and maybe spank them for their willful and deliberate misdeeds, and then forgive them, and life goes on. That is how we all learn.

So, before we judge divorced people and give them "Biblical concussions" about their status, we must ask ourselves is this: Does God want divorced people to be unhappy and alone forever? Our seventy or eighty years on earth can seem like an eternity, and to have to suffer the rest of our lives for a mistake made during our younger years is almost too much to bear. God knows that most of us need mates, and so we at The Refiner's Fire believe He would rather see us re-married than to watch us commit out-of-wedlock sexual sins.

There's no doubt that God hates divorce. That is why He wants us to seek HIM in all our decisions (1 Kings 22:5, 2 Chronicles 18:4, Matthew 6:33). However, He also knows we are "human" and prone to make mistakes - over and over and over. God loves us in spite of ourselves, and that is why He sent us a FINAL sin Sacrifice in the form of His Son, Yeshua HaMashiach.

That is not to say we can sin at will, but sometimes we get ourselves into situations that only God can remedy.

The Bible is a blueprint for life. God told us who He is; He outlined exactly how He wants to be worshiped, how we are to live, and how we are to treat each other - and what the consequences would be whenever we disobey. He gave us clear guidelines in the original 613 commandments and later, the Ten Commandments. As God Incarnate in the form of Yeshua HaMashiach, He personally experienced and knew all too well the weakness of the flesh - and Yahweh, in his omniscient, all-knowing state knows that most people cannot do and be EVERYTHING He wants us to be. That is one reason Yeshua willingly died.

The following was borrowed from: Got Questions.Org:

Question: "What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?"

Answer: First of all, no matter what view one takes in the issue of divorce it is important to remember the words of the Bible from Malachi 2:16a: "I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel." According to the Bible, God's plan is that marriage be a lifetime commitment. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). God realizes, though, that since a marriage involves two sinful human beings, divorce is going to occur. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws in order to protect the rights of divorcees, especially women (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of people's hearts, not because they were God's desire (Matthew 19:8).

The controversy over whether divorce and remarriage is allowed according to the Bible revolves primarily around Jesus' words in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. The phrase “except for marital unfaithfulness” is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God's permission for divorce and remarriage. Many interpreters understand this "exception clause" as referring to "marital unfaithfulness" during the "betrothal" period. In Jewish custom, a man and a woman were considered married even while they were still engaged “betrothed.” Immorality during this "betrothal" period would then be the only valid reason for a divorce.

However, the Greek word translated “marital unfaithfulness” is a word which can mean any form of sexual immorality. It is can mean fornication, prostitution, adultery, etc. Jesus is possibly saying that divorce is permissible if sexual immorality is committed. Sexual relations is such an integral part of the marital bond “the two will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31). Therefore, a breaking of that bond by sexual relations outside of marriage might be a permissible reason for divorce. If so, Jesus also has remarriage in mind in this passage. The phrase “and marries another” (Matthew 19:9) indicates that divorce and remarriage are allowed in an instance of the exception clause, whatever it is interpreted to be. It is important to note that only the innocent party is allowed to remarry. Although it is not stated in the text, the allowance for remarriage after a divorce is God's mercy for the one who was sinned against, not for the one who committed the sexual immorality. There may be instances where the "guilty party" is allowed to remarry - but no such concept is taught in this text.

Some understand 1 Corinthians 7:15 as another “exception,” allowing remarriage if an unbelieving spouse divorces a believer. However, the context does not mention remarriage, but only says a believer is not bound to continue a marriage if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave. Others claim that abuse (spousal or child) are valid reasons for divorce even though they are not listed as such in the Bible. While this may very well be the case, it is never wise to presume upon the Word of God.

Sometimes lost in the debate over the exception clause is the fact that whatever “marital unfaithfulness” means, it is an allowance for divorce, not a requirement for divorce. Even when adultery is committed a couple can, through God's grace, learn to forgive and begin rebuilding their marriage. God has forgiven us of so much more. Surely we can follow His example and even forgive the sin of adultery (Ephesians 4:32). However, in many instances, a spouse is unrepentant and continues in sexual immorality. That is where Matthew 19:9 can possibly be applied. Many also look too quickly to remarriage after a divorce when God might desire them to remain single. God sometimes calls a person to be single so that their attention is not divided (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Remarriage after a divorce may be an option in some circumstances, but that does not mean it is the only option.

It is distressing that the divorce rate among professing Christians is nearly as high as that of the unbelieving world. The Bible makes it abundantly clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and that reconciliation and forgiveness should be the marks of a believer's life (Luke 11:4; Ephesians 4:32). However, God recognizes that divorces will occur, even among His children. A divorced and/or remarried believer should not feel any less loved by God, even if their divorce and/or remarriage is not covered under the possible exception clause of Matthew 19:9. God often uses even the sinful disobedience of Christians to accomplish great good.